kind of blue
There are many kinds of sadness. Just like there are many shades of blue. As time goes by, you discover new shades of blue. And you also forget old shades - they start to fade like blue jeans. It's hard to remember what the jeans looked like when you first bought them. Time is a strange thing.
One kind of blue seems to have stayed with me forever. I don't remember exactly when I first discovered this shade of blue but once I did, it became a part of me. And then it would randomly choose to appear when it felt like it. Just like that September evening in Cambridge.
I left my apartment wearing jeans and a light fleece. There was a bite in the air. A fresh cold bite. The air was heavy with rain and the sky was grey. Summer had gone for good and autumn would soon turn to winter. I walked through the parks and felt the grass under my white sneakers. My friend Liz had just returned from India and I was going over for a drink. I walked inhaling the water in the air. Her boyfriend Tom opened the door for me and greetings were exchanged amidst much laughter - the way greetings are exchanged when you haven't seen each other for a while.
John was already there - he had his guitar with him. Liz opened a bottle of red wine. We drank wine and Liz told us stories about India. She had had a great time in India but you could
tell she was thrilled to be with Tom again. Then John started to play his guitar. Liz sat on Tom's lap and sang along. 'Nobody said it was easy. No one ever said it would be so hard....' I sat there listening to the chords of the guitar and Liz singing and suddenly a wave of that blue swept over me.
The old shades of blue passed by like fields in a slow moving train in India. I sipped my wine and suddenly felt very tired. I wasn't sad about anything in particular. I had the strength to carry on but I wasn't sure I even cared. For some reason, I felt very alone. There were people I could call but I didn't want to call anyone. I finished my wine and said I had to go. Liz asked me to stay longer but I told her I had to wake up early the next day.
It was dark and it had started drizzling. The cold drops stung my face. In some ways, I was glad that I was in England. I remember being blue in California. Every day, I would wake up in the morning and the bright sun would mock me. I walked back slowly looking at the tall spires and smelling the rain. Across the road, a young couple huddled under an umbrella. My mind went blank, I just walked in the rain.
It was nice to be back in my room. I dried myself and then put on some Miles Davis - 'Kind of Blue'. I poured myself a whisky over some ice cubes. Clink. I sat there drinking my whiskey and the old shades of blue passed by again. I closed my eyes and felt the sadness spread through my veins. I forgot about everything for a while, even Franny.
One kind of blue seems to have stayed with me forever. I don't remember exactly when I first discovered this shade of blue but once I did, it became a part of me. And then it would randomly choose to appear when it felt like it. Just like that September evening in Cambridge.
I left my apartment wearing jeans and a light fleece. There was a bite in the air. A fresh cold bite. The air was heavy with rain and the sky was grey. Summer had gone for good and autumn would soon turn to winter. I walked through the parks and felt the grass under my white sneakers. My friend Liz had just returned from India and I was going over for a drink. I walked inhaling the water in the air. Her boyfriend Tom opened the door for me and greetings were exchanged amidst much laughter - the way greetings are exchanged when you haven't seen each other for a while.
John was already there - he had his guitar with him. Liz opened a bottle of red wine. We drank wine and Liz told us stories about India. She had had a great time in India but you could
tell she was thrilled to be with Tom again. Then John started to play his guitar. Liz sat on Tom's lap and sang along. 'Nobody said it was easy. No one ever said it would be so hard....' I sat there listening to the chords of the guitar and Liz singing and suddenly a wave of that blue swept over me.
The old shades of blue passed by like fields in a slow moving train in India. I sipped my wine and suddenly felt very tired. I wasn't sad about anything in particular. I had the strength to carry on but I wasn't sure I even cared. For some reason, I felt very alone. There were people I could call but I didn't want to call anyone. I finished my wine and said I had to go. Liz asked me to stay longer but I told her I had to wake up early the next day.
It was dark and it had started drizzling. The cold drops stung my face. In some ways, I was glad that I was in England. I remember being blue in California. Every day, I would wake up in the morning and the bright sun would mock me. I walked back slowly looking at the tall spires and smelling the rain. Across the road, a young couple huddled under an umbrella. My mind went blank, I just walked in the rain.
It was nice to be back in my room. I dried myself and then put on some Miles Davis - 'Kind of Blue'. I poured myself a whisky over some ice cubes. Clink. I sat there drinking my whiskey and the old shades of blue passed by again. I closed my eyes and felt the sadness spread through my veins. I forgot about everything for a while, even Franny.
posted by S at 10:53 PM
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